Jubilant crowds were gathered this afternoon between the rabbit and chicken yards at Catskill Animal Sanctuary as Green Pastures Party candidate Nutmeg Hen and her running mate, Malibu the bunny, made an official statement.
“It is our great pleasure to inform the animals of CAS that the Green Pastures Party candidates have been included in the upcoming Sanctuary Presidential debates,” Nutmeg clucked.
Supporters thumped their hind feet, flapped their wings, and generally made a triumphant clamor in response to this much awaited announcement.
“I didn't think they'd have the guts to do it!” honked Skylar, a large white goose who lives in the nearby pond. “I mean, the Veggie-Crats and the Barnyard Republic barely even acknowledge that other parties exist! It must mean that the Greenies have finally got enough support to be a threat. It's exciting!”
Still, not all gathered were energized. “It was a close race to begin with. Sure, the Green Pastures Party has some good ideas, but all they'll do is be spoilers this election. You wait and see,” commented Jangles the pig, a spectator. When pressed to elaborate, he added, “Maybe I am just mad because I thought there would be cake. It's a political party, you know? Parties have cake.”
“My running mate and I are eager to participate in a debate that is sure to be a turning point for many undecided voters. We will show our true colors, and they are green, green, green!” Nutmeg squawked to more applause.
She then read aloud, a chapter from Where The Blind Horse Sings, authored by Kathy Stevens, founder of Catskill Animal Sanctuary. The chapter chronicled events in the life of one of her heroes, and dear departed friend, Paulie the rooster. She was visibly moved during the reading.
“I am so grateful that this book is available to the public, as it shares much of what is beautiful about CAS. It's just one of the many items available at the sanctuary's online store, where each dollar spent helps the animals,” she added.
“This is a great day for all the sanctuary animals!” vice-presidential candidate Malibu Bunny chimed in. “More and more, our voices is being heard—and it’s not so easy to hear a rabbit! This last year we pushed for green, environmentally-friendly solutions at the sanctuary, and look what happened! Imagine what we could achieve with a new administration headed by the visionary leader Nutmeg!”
When pressed for examples on the party’s influence, Malibu cited several. “I hardly know where to begin! We have solar panels atop the barn that currently replace 35% of our conventional electricity. We successfully lobbied the director to apply for grants to convert to 100% solar usage by the end of 2009. We recycle fanatically to limit landfill waste. We use green cleaning products and natural alternatives to pest control, such as the distribution of fly-eating insect eggs. And in addition to urging humans to go vegetarian for compassionate reasons, we educate visitors as to the damage that meat production does to the environment. As all of us are well aware, agribusiness contributes to green house gases, polluted water, species extinction, topsoil erosion and so much more! We are making a difference through education.”
Nutmeg was quick to add, “Many educational materials are available at the sanctuary's Welcome Hut during the tour season, which runs on weekends through the end of October. Loads of information on the perils of factory farming and its connection to global warming and other hazards is available on site. You can also stay in touch with what's going on at the sanctuary, and animal issues in general as well, by signing up for Animail. You get it all in your email box!”
“Where Hearts Can Sing is a wonderful film shown to sanctuary visitors that expresses what we do here at the sanctuary. You can even watch it online now!” Malibu added.
“There's lots of fun and educational opportunities ahead too, like the upcoming Farm Fest event on October 25th! It's a kid friendly day for visiting us animals, and there's even going to be a play to watch!” Nutmeg said.
Nutmeg remained perky in front of the crowd, visibly straining to overcome her reputation of being reclusive and antisocial with other chickens. It was however, the Vice Presidential candidate who was taunted by an irate horse. The unnamed white pony with brown spots directed vulgar references to recycling and the consumption of feces at Malibu bunny. Malibu overcame her initial shock, but responded with composure.
“I am a rabbit, a member of a great species found on every continent except Antarctica. Though your reference was crude and meant to be insulting, yes it is true, I do sometimes chew my own droppings. All rabbits do. And you know what? I'm proud of who I am.”
Aside from scattered attempts by the rabbits present to raise applause, the crowd was uncomfortably silent. Nutmeg chose to usher Malibu into the chicken coop for a private conference.
]]>SAUGERTIES, NY
September 25, 2008
On a brisk morning that was our first real taste of autumn, Babe Steer, the Barnyard Republic's Presidential candidate at Catskill Animal Sanctuary, made an appearance outside his campaign headquarters, where he commented on the State of the Barnyard Address President Rambo delivered earlier in the week.
The hulking black steer casually wiped away a smudge of post-breakfast cud from his lips before engaging a small crowd of supporters and press.
“Well, those were nice words President Rambo delivered the other day. He's right that there has been lots of positive progress made at CAS, and we should all be proud. This organization has helped hundreds of animals and we owe thanks to all our human supporters. We have a great history here at CAS and our mission is more important than ever.”
“I was very moo-ved by my recent read through Where The Blind Horse Sings, a wonderful book that chronicles the birth of CAS and the lives of its colorful animal residents.” Babe paused to chew a patch of clover before continuing. “But there's so much more to do, and many more ways to involve the humans. I'd like to look the President in the eye and tell him my plans for the future, but of course, I never see him out here in the pastures. Maybe he's forgotten there are animals outside the barn?” He paused while supporters with BABE/TED 08' banners shouted in agreement.
“I guess we'd see more of President Rambo out here with the cow herd if we had a feed storage room. I hear the President likes his food. In fact, I hear he like everybody's food.” Again the crowd exploded in laughter and cheers.
“I invite him to come on out. He shouldn't have any trouble with the gate.” Babe jabbed, referring to the recent “Feed-Room-Gate” scandal that has haunted President Rambo's re-election campaign.
“Like the President, I'm a farm animal who comes from humble beginnings. I spent time with animals in distress, working animals, animals that were ready to go to slaughter. I have been to the stockyards. I have not lost touch with my roots by lurking around a kitchen all day.”
Several members of the press attempted to goad Babe into commenting on Feed-Room-Gate, but instead he chose to address more pertinent issues. On the topics of population, supply shortages, and health care, Babe was very vocal. “I believe our animal sponsorship program is a superb way to ensure that critters get the attention and resources they need. Generous humans can sponsor a critter online, contributing monthly to support their animal. They even get a photo of their grateful animal friend in the mail!”
“As for health care, I always want the best for our animals. I will make it my mission, however, to guarantee no more scary vaccination shots, and no more repulsive de-worming medicines!” There was mixed response to these statements.
“I know needles are scary, and oral medicines taste well, vile... but we have a pretty good health care system in place. More funding is always helpful though,” commented Zen the Goat, who came out from the barn to hear Babe speak. “I'm on the fence about who to vote for. But that's okay…we goats love to climb things.”
When some of the press became aggressive and inundated Babe with various public concerns, the normally subdued Babe became irate.
“As I have been saying all along, it's the economy, jackass!” The crowd gasped until Babe made it clear that the reporter he was addressing was a visiting donkey, and that the term jackass was entirely appropriate and in no way speciesist or insensitive.
“We need to stimulate economic growth. We are a not-for-profit organization that depends entirely on the good will of humans who believe in our work of rescue, rehabilitation, and education. I plan to encourage humans to shop at our online store where each purchase means more money raised for the animals.”
“I will also humbly ask for donations, from kind-hearted humans able to contribute to our continued well-being. Further, I will encourage humans to attend our enjoyable fundraising events. I myself will be at the October 25th FarmFest! It will be a kid-friendly day full of great activities where visiting humans can meet us up close and personal. And while my opponent will probably still be knee-deep in the grain bin, I’ll be happy to sign autographs!”
“For a more grown-up good time, I heartily endorse the STAND UP FOR ANIMALS comedy benefit on November 9 at the Lark Tavern in Albany NY. It will be a lot of laughs! Unfortunately, archaic health codes prohibit my attendance.”
Babe tried to evade answering allegations of public intoxication, but begrudgingly commented. “I am a ruminant. I have a multi-chambered organ that pre-digests my meals. Yes, it is true in theory that if I ate enough apples they would ferment in my stomach and cause intoxication. But that has never happened! Come on, I weight over two thousand pounds! Do you know how many apples I'd have to eat?”
Babe further elaborated that this apple-fermentation rumor was just a tactic by the Veggie-Crats to go negative after the Feed-Room-Gate debacle.
“Rambo should be im-peached. I should not be im-appled.” He said.
A small group of animals representing the Green Pastures Party carried protest signs in reference to their candidates being shut out of the upcoming debates.
“Babe and Ted are BIG animals. They don’t even notice the smaller critters,” complained Green Pasture Party representative Beacon, the PotBelly pig. “My candidate of choice, Nutmeg the Hen, should have a chance to debate with Rambo and Babe. We shouldn’t have to shout to be heard.”
Babe responded with a similar sentiment. “My people have been in contact with the President, and we are looking into the possibility of including a third party in the debates. Let it be known that the Barnyard Republic has always supported a more open debate forum.”
Responding to criticism of his choice of running mate, Babe responded. “My running mate is a fine example of Shire draft horse. He's worked hard his entire life: pulling logs, pulling carriages in the mean streets of Manhattan, and was forced into hard labor until he was saved by humans who knew better. I am proud to stand with Ted the Horse in my bid to be the next President of CAS. He knows what it's like to be taken for granted, and what it means to be given sanctuary.”
Widespread concerns that “Big Ted” the horse had speciesist prejudices against pigs have plagued the Barnyard Republic's campaign from the beginning. And his very advanced age, as evidenced by severe and frequent flatulence, has also been a hurdle. Ted himself made an appearance and addressed those concerns.
“I don't hate pigs. I merely hate pigs near my stall,” Ted snorted. “I am not anti-pig. I admit, I have tried to bite pigs that trespassed too close to my living space, but I couldn't bend down low enough to actually sink my teeth into them. And as for my gas? I manage it with probiotics. It really does not impact my performance.”
Ted then tried to turn the species issue back on the President. “He said not to switch horses in mid-stream. Well, I'm a horse, and I'm offended!” This statement was met by resounding whinnies and neighs from the sanctuary's equine population.
When pressed on his attitude on strong borders, Ted commented, "I believe in a strong defense. You see this?” Ted gestured toward the wire perimeter of the pasture. “Now THAT's a fence! More fences. Fewer wandering pigs. We need stronger laws and more fences. I know not all pigs are bad, but we need to keep the bad ones out of the horse pastures.”
“How can that guy claim to represent us?” groaned Farfi the farm pig. “That's it, I'm voting Green this year!”
Ted departed soon after his partner Maxx arrived, so that they might spend quality time with one another. Babe smiled at the crowd and departed with a final comment.
“We'll see who holds up during the debates. I can answer questions until the cows come home.”
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