That Hannah the sheep is in love with Rambo the sheep is no secret. Indeed, it’s obvious even to first-time volunteers as Hannah bolts from her stall each morning in search of her Romeo. If she finds him immediately, all is well. But if Rambo is out of sight—either intentionally hiding or simply munching hay in a newly-vacated stall—she is initially disturbed, then worried, finally panic-stricken and uttering a heart-wrenching, baleful “baa-aah” as the time it takes to find her soul mate increases. Once she locates him, all is again right in her world. She settles into her sheepness, content to roam the barnyard, grazing, stealing alfalfa from the hay room, and plotting kitchen break-ins….as long, that is, as Rambo is no more than a foot or two from her. It is a relationship that she needs desperately, and one that Rambo sometimes seems to appreciate, other times only tolerate.

Enter Barbie the hen.

Barbie is a broiler, the term used to describe chickens intended for meat. She’s one of hundreds who’ve arrived from one of New York’s five boroughs, lucky escapees from live poultry markets, slaughterhouses, transport trucks, and the ritual sacrifices of Santeria. We’ve taken chickens from dumpsters, chickens tied to trees in Central Park, chickens stuffed in mailboxes, and chickens who were drowning in crates left in flooding streets. Our latest, Barbie, was found in Brooklyn, hiding under a blue Honda.

Like Hannah, Rambo, and many more of our smaller animals, Barbie free ranges during the day. While she is young, the exercise is good for a body that will quickly grow morbidly obese. There’s also no outdoor home for Barbie, as our ratio of roosters to hens is about 300 bazillion to one. (Few people, unfortunately, want a pet rooster.) So Barbie snuggles into her cozy home in the main barn each night, then each morning is lifted out to explore the barnyard and cozy up to whomever she chooses.

Unfortunately, Barbie has chosen Rambo.

For several weeks, Barbie has been napping right next to Rambo, sometimes so close that surely even through his wool Rambo can probably feel the heat emanating from her big bird body. Sometimes she climbs on top of his back, the patient Rambo motionless, and falls sound asleep, Rambo taking her overtures in good stride.

For a while, Hannah tolerated the new friendship. After all, Barbie was merely a hen; Hannah could still rest side by side with her love, or stalk him relentlessly as he traveled the barnyard ensuring all was in order.

But Rambo, the most exceptional animal I’ve ever known, had other things in mind.
A couple weeks ago, Lorraine and I stood, incredulous, as Rambo walked up to Barbie and pawed the ground. Pawing is Rambo’s signal to humans that he wants a massage—something he receives whenever he asks for it, which is generally, oh, forty or fifty times a day. Clearly he thought that if mere human beings could discern his wishes, then a chicken could, too. We stood there, my hand on Lorraine’s arm, both of us gaping, as our extraordinary friend tried to teach his bird pal to do his bidding. When it didn’t work, Rambo finally took the tip of his horn, and very gently massaged the little bird.

A few days later, Rambo was lying in a pile of hay. Next to him was Barbie, pulling bits of hay from his wooly coat.

The deepening of this relationship was too much for Hannah. One recent afternoon, she was nowhere to be found as I entered the barn to set up feed.

“Where’s Hannah?” I asked Walt.

“She’s in time out.”

“What happened?” I asked, imagining his response.

“She head-butted Barbie halfway across the aisle.”

I never imagined I’d work at a place where a sheep and a hen would vie for the attention of a second sheep’s affection. But then again, I never imagined that a dying cow would lick my face over and over and over again until he took his final breath, or that a former cockfighting rooster would evolve into a being who begged us to share our lunches, took car rides with me, and happily climbed onto my dog Murphy’s bed to share a nap.

These are the things that love allows. These are the things that love elicits. Animals are far more like we are than I’d have ever imagined had I not had the good fortune to be with them every single day.

Walt Batycki’s Post Script:

The soap opera down at the barn continues to play out daily, as full of larger-than-life romantic complexity as any sordid daytime television plot. Just as we were putting the newsletter to bed, a new character strutted onstage to turn Rambo’s love triangle into a square of drama.

Chloe, a rescued hen from Tillson, has been eyeing Rambo since she was allowed to free range. She noticed that Rambo was all alone, catching a snooze in the aisle. Hannah was out grazing, and Barbie was busy trying to figure out a way into the kitchen for some free grub, so Chloe made her move. She strutted over to everyone’s favorite wooly ram and circled him slowly, making sure to not only be seen, but to be noticed. Rambo acknowledged her advances with a tilt of his horns, one of the charming ways he greets newcomers...it strikes me like the way a cowboy tips his hat. Chloe inched closer, making eye contact in the way only a chicken can, and greeted him with a flurry of blinks. Rambo relaxed, lowering his head back the floor. That was Chloe’s cue to start gingerly picking through Rambo’s wool with her beak. Clearly he enjoyed the grooming.

Out of nowhere Barbie came hurtling at Chloe like a fluffy cannonball, knocking her away with a squawk!

The green-eyed monster wears many disguises, some wooly, some feathered, none of them willing to share.

Perhaps you've seen the Animal Cops episodes depicting horses living in boxcars in the middle of a Bronx parking lot--no light, no ventilation, no exercise, no companionship. Well, here's a happy ending for one lucky girl: CAS got a call from Animal Cops' AnneMarie Lucas - the ASPCA had secured the release of a small pony in her 20's. She has a history of founder, and an initial vet exam showed signs of insulin resistance -- this little pony will need daily medication for the rest of her life, along with plenty of TLC! Right now, she doesn't even have a name. Vote for her name here:

Boxcar Baby Needs a Name!

What should we name our new pony? Pippin Madison Blossom Ladybug Current Results

In the meantime, how delightful it is to watch the tiny girl come to life. No longer alone, no longer living in filth and darkness, she is rapidly gathering friends. Rambo sleeps just outside her stall; my good, good dog Murphy tiptoes into her stall and gently licks her muzzle, over and over; and scores of visitors and volunteers use soft words and gentle touch to say, "Welcome, little one. You're finally home."

Under The Willow Tree at CAS
Saugerties, New York
September 26, 2008
Text From EIEIO Media, Inc.
Following is the transcript of the presidential debate between CAS President RAMBO RAM (V), CAS Sen. BABE STEER (B), and NUTMEG HEN (G). The moderator of this debate was PEE-WEE GOAT.

PEE WEE: Good morning to all at CAS on this rainy Saturday afternoon. I'm Pee-Wee goat of “The Daily Cud Hour” on WCAS, and I welcome you to the first and only Debate between President Rambo the Veggie-Crat incumbent, and Sen. Babe Steer the Barnyard Republics candidate, and for the first time ever, a Green Pastures Party Candidate, Nutmeg Hen, will be joining the presidential debate.

I will remind those in attendance that no outcry or interruption will be tolerated during the proceedings. Also, food and beverage are not permitted at this function.

These debates are sponsored by the Commission For Humorous Talking Animals. The candidates have all agreed on the rules, which I will do my best to enforce. All of the questions I will ask have been prepared by me, with no advanced notice given the candidates. Each candidate will be given a fair amount of time to answer each question. I am, however, a goat...as you may have noticed...so I really am bad at telling time. Also there are a lot of other rules but I forget them at the moment. I seem to have eaten some of my index cards.

PEE-WEE: The first question goes to Rambo. Rambo, in response to the recent economic crisis, with hay prices skyrocketing for the winter ahead, and stockpiled resources low, you recently said that, "We all need to do our part by eating responsible portions, and consuming no more than our due share.'"

However, your Hay Bale-Out strategy for the grazing animals that routinely ate hay instead of grass this summer is to allocate more hay to them during the fall and winter. How is this consistent with conserving resources, and why should the other sanctuary animals carry the burden of supporting herds of animals who should have been eating grass all summer to bulk up instead of depleting our hay reserves?

RAMBO: Pee-Wee I want to thank you, and I want to thank all the folks both human and non-human here at CAS for hosting this debate. It's an important event, and you did a great job putting it together. It's a shame my significant other Hannah Ewe couldn't make it here, but someone neglected to open her stall door this morning.

PEE-WEE: Didn't I see you blocking her door with a wheelbarrow earlier?

RAMBO: I believe the topic at hand is the hay Bale-Out issue. Yes, it's true that some of the outside grazers did consume a bit of hay during the summer. But there really wasn't any choice. At CAS we take full advantage of all the graze we have by rotating herds through pastures as the grass takes time to replenish, but you know, sometimes the grass takes too long to grow back, and we do have limited acreage. Those cows and horses had to have hay as a supplement to their diet, and like most of us, they will need far more hay support as the cold weather comes. I believe I have been quite consistent in my policies.

PEE-WEE: Babe, you wish to respond?

BABE: Yes, thank you Pee-Wee. Might I also add my gratitude to you and everyone who worked so hard to make this event possible. Now, in response to what the President has said, I must say that I heartily agree with his sentiments and the policy...but a leader must set an example. If food prices are sky-high and financial support for the sanctuary is down, then our leader should not be sneaking into the grain storage room and stuffing his face whenever he can. He's in the kitchen so much we started calling him the Commander in Chef! He...President Rambo is...I--?

Mr. President, did you just shake your rear and defecate at me?

RAMBO: No I didn't.

BABE: You did. You shook and let loose a torrent of feces at me.

PEE-WEE: Yes. I saw that. Look you're standing in a pile of poop.

RAMBO: No I'm not.

BABE: (Sighs) I will make it a point to personally strive to be a responsible citizen as well as a leader you can be proud to follow during the hard times ahead.

RAMBO: (Cough) Jerk. (Cough.)

BABE: Did you just call me a jerk?

RAMBO: No.

PEE-WEE: I thought you did. You whispered it in-between those fake coughs.

RAMBO: I'd like a glass of water please.

PEE-WEE: Oh! Nutmeg the hen wants to say something. Someone help her perch on top of the podium. There, that's better.

NUTMEG: I was told this would be a fair and balanced debate. I believe I clucked in response before Senator Babe. I wanted to respond.

PEE-WEE: Sorry, we forgot you were even down there.

NUTMEG: So did the pigs who trampled me on their way out. Mr. President, while I do applaud your use of pasture rotation during the summer, as grass is a green and replenishable resource, I was dismayed that you would use the hay crisis as a reason to avoid debate. Your recent attempt to postpone this event was unsettling. As President, I will make it my duty to address hard issues like this in an open forum, and not seize them as excuses to avoid debating someone with a grasp of the issues that may exceed mine.

PEE-WEE: President Rambo, any response?

RAMBO: I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Did the chicken say something? She'll have to speak up next time.

NUTMEG: How childish.

RAMBO: Lay an egg.

PEE-WEE: The next question is for Babe. You claim to be for strong borders, and support pasture fence repair projects. Yet, there were several incidents this year where you and many of your close colleagues violated borders by actually smashing down fences. You yourself have been seen roaming the sanctuary grounds freely. How is this consistent with your strict farmland security stance?

RAMBO: Ha!

PEE-WEE: Mr. President?

RAMBO: Baa. I went Baa. Sheep thing.

BABE: Strong borders are important. I also support fencing in more pastures so that we can rotate graze more effectively next year. Fences keep the criminal element from victimizing smaller animals, and taking away their feed. I think the liberal media took a few incidents completely out of context and used them to paint a false picture of hypocrisy. Most unfortunate. My colleagues and I did go on one or two tours of the grounds late at night, but only to inspect the fences. I frequently put in long hours late at night for the betterment of my fellow animals.

RAMBO: Okay, now whose spreading manure?

PEE-WEE: Mr. President, you'll have your chance to respond in time. Babe?

BABE: I think I've said all need to.

PEE-WEE: Nutmeg?

NUTMEG: Thank you. Babe. It is a wide concern that your fencing policies are speciesist, and that free-range animals like the sanctuary's potbelly pig population will be unable to pursue their preferred way of life if stronger fences are implemented. Furthermore, your running-mate, Ted Horse, has made comments that seem openly anti-pig. I support allowing animals to roam and feed themselves off the land during the warmer months. I am opposed to tightening the borders.

PEE-WEE: Rambo?

RAMBO: I have to say that I do lean toward Babe's point of view on this one. The free-range pigs are hooligans, wrecking fences and stealing feed from the weak. I have always been hard on crime. I also have concerns for the health of the pig population as well. All they do is eat all day if allowed free-range. It's not healthy.

BABE: As if you and the First Ewe could talk.

PEE-WEE: Any response Senator Babe?

BABE: My policies are not speciesist, and my esteemed running mate, Ted, is no bigot. I like pigs. Ted likes pigs. Some of our best friends are pigs.

BABE: Get away from me.

PEE-WEE: The next question is for Nutmeg. Nutmeg, your Green Pastures Party claims to be independent from the influences of special interest groups. You routinely accuse Veggie-Crats and Barnyard Republic candidates of pandering to those who fund their campaigns. Yet there have been allegations that you obtained support from foreign interests in exchange for favors. Most notably, there was your relationship with the SNAPPING TURTLE LIBERATION FEDERATION, an organization not officially recognized by CAS. Would you care to elaborate on what resources were exchanged, why this relationship is different from other special interest groups, and what impact your ties to the STLF might have on the sanctuary as a whole?

NUTMEG: Look, to call the STLF a foreign interest is absurd. True, snapping turtles are not recognized citizens of CAS, but they are animals that have lived and roamed the wilds of New York since prehistoric times. They are also an important part of the environment, and as such we felt their interests fell in line with those of the Green Pastures Party, even though they are regarded as foreigners by some animals. It is true that I had a big hand...er wing...in arranging for their Million Turtle March around the sanctuary pond, and I have worked hard on making the turtle immigration process easier. But other than asking the STLF to provide security at a few events, including this very debate, I have accepted no favors from the turtles.

PEE-WEE: Rambo, you wish to respond?

RAMBO: Firstly, thanks for making sure the pond is full of giant ravenous turtles.

Your own supporters suffered the most this summer when jobless turtles turned to crime, stealing feed from chickens and ducks. Overpopulating the pond with a native species is not environmentally sound. Your attempts to circumvent immigration policies on behalf of your political allies is worrisome. Wild animals are always welcomed here; we extend friendship and goodwill to all our fellow earthlings here at CAS. But we expect the wild animals to live off of nature, and not to turn to crime! Using political influence to tip the scale in favor of one select group has obviously backfired. I have always been opposed to roving bands of turtles harassing our waterfowl. I'm President Rambo, and I approved this message.

PEE-WEE: Mr. President, you don't have to say you approved this message when you are done speaking.

RAMBO: Sorry. We're taping this to use for attack ads later. I think that was a keeper.

PEE-WEE: Senator Babe?

BABE: Thank you Pee-Wee. The Green Pastures party has routinely criticized my stance on borders and immigration. Nutmeg's attempts to meddle with the process has been a disaster. I don't think I need to say anything else.

PEE-WEE: Any response Nutmeg?

NUTMEG: Snapping turtles are big and scary. I understand that now. I'm sorry. But I will never stoop to the militaristic policies of the Barnyard Republic in regard to border enforcement and crime control. You will never see Green Pastures candidates order gas to be used against protesters and wild animals as has been policy of the Barnyard Republic.

BABE: That is absurd! If you refer to the incident at the Barnyard Republic convention where unruly protesters were disrupted through non-violent means, let me assure you that the use of gas was purely unintentional. My running mate, Ted, is a very big, and a very old horse. He frequently has trouble with digestion, and his discharge of gas was an unfortunate lapse in control under stress.

NUTMEG: He tries to bite pigs. He brags about it. Most of the protesters were pigs.

PEE-WEE: Please! The next question--

BABE: Cluck, cluck, cluck. Who cares what a chicken has to say anyway.

NUTMEG: Very rude. Do I smell fermented apples on your cud Senator?

PEE-WEE: Please we need some kind of order here to--

BABE: I am offended! My rumen is not a distillery!

RAMBO: Oh come on now. We both know you like to put away the produce on tour days. You'll take fruit and veggies from anybody.

BABE: Are you accusing me of accepting bribes sir? This is outrageous.

PEE-WEE: Order! We need order!

NUTMEG: This is why we need independent parties that are above partisan bickering.

BABE: Cluck, cluck, cluck. There she goes again. I don't understand a word.

NUTMEG: Babe, what an apt name. Grow up!

PEE-WEE: We have more questions, if you could adhere to--

HANNAH: Rambo! Baaaaa! Rambo! There you are!

RAMBO: Oh no. Who let her out? I bet it was a cow.

NUTMEG: Mayday! Mayday!

HANNAH: I'm here! Sorry I'm late.

RAMBO: Not now! I'm working.

BABE: You need to get your personal life in order if you want to be in office, son.

NUTMEG: You should talk. Between you and Ted, do you know how much greenhouse gas you put out?

PEE-WEE: Stop this feud!

RAMBO: Stop the what?

PEE-WEE: Feud! Feud!

by Helen Heifer

SAUGERTIES, NY
September 25, 2008

Jubilant crowds were gathered this afternoon between the
rabbit and chicken yards at Catskill Animal Sanctuary as Green Pastures Party
candidate Nutmeg Hen and her running mate, Malibu the bunny, made an official
statement.

“It is our great pleasure to inform the animals of CAS that the Green Pastures Party candidates have been included in the upcoming Sanctuary Presidential debates,” Nutmeg clucked.

Supporters thumped their hind feet, flapped their wings, and generally made a triumphant clamor in response to this much awaited announcement.

“I didn't think they'd have the guts to do it!” honked Skylar, a large white goose who lives in the nearby pond. “I mean, the Veggie-Crats and the Barnyard Republic barely even acknowledge that other parties exist! It must mean that the Greenies have finally got enough support to be a threat. It's exciting!”

Still, not all gathered were energized. “It was a close race to begin with. Sure, the Green Pastures Party has some good ideas, but all they'll do is be spoilers this election. You wait and see,” commented Jangles the pig, a spectator. When pressed to elaborate, he added, “Maybe I am just mad because I thought there would be cake. It's a political party, you know? Parties have cake.”

“My running mate and I are eager to participate in a debate that is sure to be a turning point for many undecided voters. We will show our true colors, and they are green, green, green!” Nutmeg squawked to more applause.

She then read aloud, a chapter from Where The Blind Horse Sings, authored by Kathy Stevens, founder of Catskill Animal Sanctuary. The chapter chronicled events in the life of one of her heroes, and dear departed friend, Paulie the rooster. She was visibly moved during the reading.

“I am so grateful that this book is available to the public, as it shares much of what is beautiful about CAS. It's just one of the many items available at the sanctuary's online store, where each dollar spent helps the animals,” she added.

“This is a great day for all the sanctuary animals!” vice-presidential candidate Malibu Bunny chimed in. “More and more, our voices is being heard—and it’s not so easy to hear a rabbit! This last year we pushed for green, environmentally-friendly solutions at the sanctuary, and look what happened! Imagine what we could achieve with a new administration headed by the visionary leader Nutmeg!”

When pressed for examples on the party’s influence, Malibu cited several. “I hardly know where to begin! We have solar panels atop the barn that currently replace 35% of our conventional electricity. We successfully lobbied the director to apply for grants to convert to 100% solar usage by the end of 2009. We recycle fanatically to limit landfill waste. We use green cleaning products and natural alternatives to pest control, such as the distribution of fly-eating insect eggs. And in addition to urging humans to go vegetarian for compassionate reasons, we educate visitors as to the damage that meat production does to the environment. As all of us are well aware, agribusiness contributes to green house gases, polluted water, species extinction, topsoil erosion and so much more! We are making a difference through education.”

Nutmeg was quick to add, “Many educational materials are available at the sanctuary's Welcome Hut during the tour season, which runs on weekends through the end of October. Loads of information on the perils of factory farming and its connection to global warming and other hazards is available on site. You can also stay in touch with what's going on at the sanctuary, and animal issues in general as well, by signing up for Animail. You get it all in your email box!”

“Where Hearts Can Sing is a wonderful film shown to sanctuary visitors that expresses what we do here at the sanctuary. You can even watch it online now!” Malibu added.

“There's lots of fun and educational opportunities ahead too, like the upcoming Farm Fest event on October 25th! It's a kid friendly day for visiting us animals, and there's even going to be a play to watch!” Nutmeg said.

Nutmeg remained perky in front of the crowd, visibly straining to overcome her reputation of being reclusive and antisocial with other chickens. It was however, the Vice Presidential candidate who was taunted by an irate horse. The unnamed white pony with brown spots directed vulgar references to recycling and the consumption of feces at Malibu bunny. Malibu overcame her initial shock, but responded with composure.

“I am a rabbit, a member of a great species found on every continent except Antarctica. Though your reference was crude and meant to be insulting, yes it is true, I do sometimes chew my own droppings. All rabbits do. And you know what? I'm proud of who I am.”

Aside from scattered attempts by the rabbits present to raise applause, the crowd was uncomfortably silent. Nutmeg chose to usher Malibu into the chicken coop for a private conference.

by Phillip Rooster

SAUGERTIES, NY

September 25, 2008

On a brisk morning that was our first real taste of autumn, Babe Steer, the Barnyard Republic's Presidential candidate at Catskill Animal Sanctuary, made an appearance outside his campaign headquarters, where he commented on the State of the Barnyard Address President Rambo delivered earlier in the week.

The hulking black steer casually wiped away a smudge of post-breakfast cud from his lips before engaging a small crowd of supporters and press.

“Well, those were nice words President Rambo delivered the other day. He's right that there has been lots of positive progress made at CAS, and we should all be proud. This organization has helped hundreds of animals and we owe thanks to all our human supporters. We have a great history here at CAS and our mission is more important than ever.”

“I was very moo-ved by my recent read through Where The Blind Horse Sings, a wonderful book that chronicles the birth of CAS and the lives of its colorful animal residents.” Babe paused to chew a patch of clover before continuing. “But there's so much more to do, and many more ways to involve the humans. I'd like to look the President in the eye and tell him my plans for the future, but of course, I never see him out here in the pastures. Maybe he's forgotten there are animals outside the barn?” He paused while supporters with BABE/TED 08' banners shouted in agreement.

“I guess we'd see more of President Rambo out here with the cow herd if we had a feed storage room. I hear the President likes his food. In fact, I hear he like everybody's food.” Again the crowd exploded in laughter and cheers.

“I invite him to come on out. He shouldn't have any trouble with the gate.” Babe jabbed, referring to the recent “Feed-Room-Gate” scandal that has haunted President Rambo's re-election campaign.

“Like the President, I'm a farm animal who comes from humble beginnings. I spent time with animals in distress, working animals, animals that were ready to go to slaughter. I have been to the stockyards. I have not lost touch with my roots by lurking around a kitchen all day.”

Several members of the press attempted to goad Babe into commenting on Feed-Room-Gate, but instead he chose to address more pertinent issues. On the topics of population, supply shortages, and health care, Babe was very vocal. “I believe our animal sponsorship program is a superb way to ensure that critters get the attention and resources they need. Generous humans can sponsor a critter online, contributing monthly to support their animal. They even get a photo of their grateful animal friend in the mail!”

“As for health care, I always want the best for our animals. I will make it my mission, however, to guarantee no more scary vaccination shots, and no more repulsive de-worming medicines!” There was mixed response to these statements.

“I know needles are scary, and oral medicines taste well, vile... but we have a pretty good health care system in place. More funding is always helpful though,” commented Zen the Goat, who came out from the barn to hear Babe speak. “I'm on the fence about who to vote for. But that's okay…we goats love to climb things.”

When some of the press became aggressive and inundated Babe with various public concerns, the normally subdued Babe became irate.

“As I have been saying all along, it's the economy, jackass!” The crowd gasped until Babe made it clear that the reporter he was addressing was a visiting donkey, and that the term jackass was entirely appropriate and in no way speciesist or insensitive.

“We need to stimulate economic growth. We are a not-for-profit organization that depends entirely on the good will of humans who believe in our work of rescue, rehabilitation, and education. I plan to encourage humans to shop at our online store where each purchase means more money raised for the animals.”

“I will also humbly ask for donations, from kind-hearted humans able to contribute to our continued well-being. Further, I will encourage humans to attend our enjoyable fundraising events. I myself will be at the October 25^th FarmFest! It will be a kid-friendly day full of great activities where visiting humans can meet us up close and personal. And while my opponent will probably still be knee-deep in the grain bin, I’ll be happy to sign autographs!”

“For a more grown-up good time, I heartily endorse the STAND UP FOR ANIMALS comedy benefit on November 9 at the Lark Tavern in Albany NY. It will be a lot of laughs! Unfortunately, archaic health codes prohibit my attendance.”

Babe tried to evade answering allegations of public intoxication, but begrudgingly commented. “I am a ruminant. I have a multi-chambered organ that pre-digests my meals. Yes, it is true in theory that if I ate enough apples they would ferment in my stomach and cause intoxication. But that has never happened! Come on, I weight over two thousand pounds! Do you know how many apples I'd have to eat?”

Babe further elaborated that this apple-fermentation rumor was just a tactic by the Veggie-Crats to go negative after the Feed-Room-Gate debacle.

“Rambo should be im-peached. I should not be im-appled.” He said.

A small group of animals representing the Green Pastures Party carried protest signs in reference to their candidates being shut out of the upcoming debates.

“Babe and Ted are BIG animals. They don’t even notice the smaller critters,” complained Green Pasture Party representative Beacon, the PotBelly pig. “My candidate of choice, Nutmeg the Hen, should have a chance to debate with Rambo and Babe. We shouldn’t have to shout to be heard.”

Babe responded with a similar sentiment. “My people have been in contact with the President, and we are looking into the possibility of including a third party in the debates. Let it be known that the Barnyard Republic has always supported a more open debate forum.”

Responding to criticism of his choice of running mate, Babe responded. “My running mate is a fine example of Shire draft horse. He's worked hard his entire life: pulling logs, pulling carriages in the mean streets of Manhattan, and was forced into hard labor until he was saved by humans who knew better. I am proud to stand with Ted the Horse in my bid to be the next President of CAS. He knows what it's like to be taken for granted, and what it means to be given sanctuary.”

Widespread concerns that “Big Ted” the horse had speciesist prejudices against pigs have plagued the Barnyard Republic's campaign from the beginning. And his very advanced age, as evidenced by severe and frequent flatulence, has also been a hurdle. Ted himself made an appearance and addressed those concerns.

“I don't hate pigs. I merely hate pigs near my stall,” Ted snorted. “I am not anti-pig. I admit, I have tried to bite pigs that trespassed too close to my living space, but I couldn't bend down low enough to actually sink my teeth into them. And as for my gas? I manage it with probiotics. It really does not impact my performance.”

Ted then tried to turn the species issue back on the President. “He said not to switch horses in mid-stream. Well, I'm a horse, and I'm offended!” This statement was met by resounding whinnies and neighs from the sanctuary's equine population.

When pressed on his attitude on strong borders, Ted commented, "I believe in a strong defense. You see this?” Ted gestured toward the wire perimeter of the pasture. “Now THAT's a fence! More fences. Fewer wandering pigs. We need stronger laws and more fences. I know not all pigs are bad, but we need to keep the bad ones out of the horse pastures.”

“How can that guy claim to represent us?” groaned Farfi the farm pig. “That's it, I'm voting Green this year!”

Ted departed soon after his partner Maxx arrived, so that they might spend quality time with one another. Babe smiled at the crowd and departed with a final comment.

“We'll see who holds up during the debates. I can answer questions until the cows come home.”

By Mufasa Goat

SAUGERTIES, NY

September 23rd 2008

Catskill Animal Sanctuary President Rambo Sheep spoke to the sanctuary's animal residents this morning during a State of the Barnyard address, taking time to field questions from the press coop afterwards. The speech was what most expected from the incumbent as a fairly heated election date draws near.

“He showed the characteristic charm that got him elected, but it came off as standard campaign PR to me.” quacked Sassafras, a pekin duck who proudly displayed a Rambo/Franklin '08 sticker on his chest. “During the past year alone we've seen a new duck-house built, and a special pond fenced in for special-needs ducks like me. He's already got my vote! Rambo is good for ducks! Four more years!”

While most of the crowd was just as enthusiastic, there were protesters, most noticeably many farm pigs which expressed outrage over President Rambo's failure to keep the “All You Can Eat” campaign pledge he made during the last election. Rambo was largely criticized when he promised to have the gate entirely removed from the feed storage room for free access to all animals.

“I'm still waiting for my endless meal to begin!” complained Miss Piggerty, a spotted sow.

The protesters were peacefully disrupted before the speech began when several apple slices were thrown into their midst. The crowd was energetic but remained mostly quiet as Rambo began his speech:

“My fellow sanctuary residents, I'm just a simple ram, a refugee from the neglect and abuse many farm animals suffer daily. I will continue to make it my goal to educate human visitors at the sanctuary about the plight of livestock in factory farms, and to make clear that the fates of farm animals and of humans is intertwined. In fact, I look forward to meeting human visitors on Saturday, October 25th at our Farm fest event. It should be a wonderful opportunity to reach out to bipeds of all ages in the spirit of mutual understanding.

It is also it is my pleasure to say with due pride and sincerity that the Good Ol' CAS has flourished during the four years of this administration. We have seen more rescues, more animal adoptions, more shelters built, and more and greener pastures since I began my term of office.

I look forward to staying the course with you toward a future where CAS continues to grow and better serve you, the animals for which it was established by our great founder."

After the applause died down, Helen Heifer, reporter for the Daily Compost, blasted Rambo regarding his perceived lack of support for pasture animals living outside the jurisdiction of the barn.

“That sentiment is utterly ridiculous, and rings of one my opponent's poor attempts at attack ads,” Rambo replied, referencing recent radio spots endorsed by the Barnyard Republic candidate Babe Steer.

Rambo further commented that “enriching the lives of pasture horses, cows, and sheep is of utmost importance to me.” He also elaborated on the fact that three new pastures totaling ten acres had been fenced and made available for the bovine population to graze in just the past year, and that two new cow barns had been completed.

“It's shameful that my opposition routinely seeks to turn the Bovine population against me. We are all part of the same family at CAS. Don't go playing the species card,” Rambo uttered.

The President also made reference to the labor shortage at the sanctuary and made a pledge to recruit more volunteers this fall. The sanctuary is currently suffering from its seasonal drop-off of student help as school sessions begin anew. “I urge all available humans to get involved, as this great Sanctuary cannot thrive without you.”

Rambo appeared uneasy regarding inquiries about the recent “Feed-Room-Gate” scandal, where witnesses claim to have seen him inside the feed room gate he had once pledged to remove. Witness testimonies have described Rambo as helping himself to unlimited quantities of grain and produce while angry pigs and goats watched hungrily from the outside. “I have no comment at this time,” was all the President had to offer.

Rambo still staunchly defended Vice President Franklin Pig in spite of lingering resentment over Franklin's surprise party-switch last election. In reply to allegations that the Vice President flip-flopped on the military actions of the previous administration, Rambo replied, “I cannot believe that four years later this has come up as an issue. He's a great pig, and a good animal. Franklin always opposed the farm pig invasion of the duck pond, as do I. No secret feed bins were found, and there was never any credible evidence of grain processing plants.”

Rambo elaborated by explaining, “The way to alleviate supply shortages is not to give into fear and seize the assets of other species, but to make known to the helpful humans out there what our needs are. I implore the good people who believe in the work CAS does to consider becoming members. We depend on membership dues for much of the day-to-day expenses such as keeping adequate food and medical supplies in stock.

Regarding concerns of over-population, Rambo stayed firm on his neutering policy, and urged humans to consider adopting animals already in need rather than support breeding. “Adopting an animal from CAS not only enriches the human's life, and the life of the animal, but it frees up space and resources so that CAS can save someone else in need. Adoptions are a vital part of the healing cycle here at CAS.”

The first Ovine, Hannah Ewe, then rushed the hay-bale podium and began to chew on it. The President shook at her in disdain then defecated before departing.

"Sorry about the wait," I say to twenty or so guests waiting patiently under the willow tree for the next tour to begin. "We're down a guide today."

At that moment, young Franklin the pig looks up from his spot in the far corner of the pasture that borders our waiting area.

"Kids!!" I summon the group. "I need your help!"

I point to my friend with the pink skin and fuzzy ears, then say, "I'm going to count to three, then I want everyone to shout as loudly as you can, "FRANKLIN!"

As his name leaves our collective lips, Franklin leaps the creek that divides his field in half, and is trotting in our direction. grunting in anticipation. The group hovers around me.

"Whath he doing?" a wide-eyed child of five or six lisps through the hole in his top teeth, uncertain whether to laugh or to flee in terror from the 500-pound body barreling right at him.

I squat so that we are eye to eye. "What's your name, sweetie?" I ask of the little boy, who by now is nothing but breath and bulging brown eyes.

"Malcolm," he whispers, glancing furtively at his mom. Franklin is a foot from us, pushing a soft snout into the wire mesh fence, his requests for company growing louder by the second.

"He's talking to us," I explain. "He's saying "Malcolm, come right here so I can meet you: I bet you'd be a great friend."

"Thath really what he's thaying?" Malcolm aks.

"AbsoLUTEly!"

Malcolm smiles.

"Hi, everbody," I say to the group. "I'm Kathy Stevens, founder of Catskill Animal Sanctuary. "In just a moment you'll learn about the mission of CAS--who we rescue, how we make our choices, why we encourage all our guests not to eat animals like my friend here. But right now, we've got some pig kissing to do." A few chuckles emanate from the group, and one woman says, "I've been looking forward to kissing a pig all summer."

I edge over until I'm right in front of Franklin, and offer my hand to Malcolm. He takes it.

"Pigs are very loud, Malcolm, and that's a scary thing if you're not used to it. But look: Franklin can't come any closer because he's behind this fence," I explain, touching the top rail of Franklin's pasture.

"Sit right here," I encourage him, and little Malcolm folds his legs and sits so that our knees are touching. "Hi, best pig in the world, hi, you good, good pig," I say to my friend as I flatten my hand against the metal mesh so that he can push into it with his muddy snout the way he likes to do. "I love you, Franklin."

I take Malcolm's hand and hold it beneath mine, and watch the child's smile grow as Franklin greets him.

"He's all muddy," Malcolm giggles.

"Yeah," I say. "You might be just a little dirtier when you leave here than you are now." I glance upward at Mom.

"Not a problem," she responds, her smile as big as her son's. "This is worth a little dirt."

The group has gathered around us, and I sense an opportunity.

"Well, everyone," I turn around to address the group, focusing on the children. "I haven't given 'Franklin a kiss yet today, so I'll be right back."

I hoist myself up and over the fence, and step down beside my porcine pal. Franklin rubs his cheek against my thigh and oinks his most emotional hello. When I kneel, I am smothered in pig kisses: wet muddy snout against nose, cheek, mouth, head. I kiss him back then smile to the group. Most are laughing with delight; one woman looks like she wants to grab her child and flee from what must be some kind of demonic pagan cult. ("They actually kiss pigs," I imagine her saying to her husband over their pork chop dinner.)

"Anybody else want to kiss a pig?"

Before she either faints or vomits, the pork chop eater does, indeed, take her child and head toward the parking lot. In the meantime, two young girls are squealing with glee, entreating their parents.

One at a time, Dad passes each of the girls over the fence. Franklin, of course, is beside himself, and the girls are instantly both filthy and in love. "I love you, Franklin," the older one says, "I love you, Franklin," the younger one mimics through delighted giggles as a cool snout greets her.

I pass the human packages back over the fence, already suspecting I'll need my ice pack tonight.

Malcolm, frozen in place on the other side, looks up at me, his eyes saying everything.

"Ok, trooper," I smile as I hold out my hands to help him over. "Ready to have some fun?"

September has come again, and though as I write this the heat is oppressive, it shall soon pass. Fall is nearly here, and CAS is feeling our annual "back to school blues."

Yep. It's back to school time for our dozen or so volunteers who were high school and college students...or their teachers. And while it's a time of angst, excitement, and anticipation for students and educators, for us September is a little sad!

This year, we were especially spoiled by outstanding and dedicated interns this summer, and the loss of gifted teacher Betsy Messenger (one of our most dedicated volunteers ever) especially stings! How grateful we are to Betsy, Abbie, Stefanie, Carolyn, Andrew and all the rest and--here comes the pitch:

HOW WE'D SO LOVE TO REPLACE THEM!!

Fall and winter are routinely hard times for many non-profit organizations like CAS--organizations that depend on able-bodied, energetic volunteers to supplement lean staffs. Healthy, hard working folks with enough free time to commit to a half-day a week are hard to come by!

As the light wanes and the temperature plummets, few are hardy enough to show up consistently, week after week, to feed, clean, snow plow, kiss pigs (a mandatory part of the job). But lordie, do we need you! The animals still need to be fed, watered, and cleaned up after, even when the wind chill is twenty below and we spend lunch time reminiscing about summer, when the days--and our volunteer lists--were long.

So: we're begging! we're pleading!! On behalf of us worked-to-the-bone staffers, won't you join us? If you are physically fit, and have a heart that is open to all species, won't you consider pitching in? It may be the hardest work you've ever done, but there's no more joyful place around. The best part? The larger than life critters. They, plus the awareness that your efforts matter to them, just might change your life.

Trust us...we know.

About a month ago through the exhaustive efforts of our volunteer home visitors, Catskill Animal Sanctuary had found enough wonderful homes for our resident rabbits that we could once again accept new needy rabbits from our long waiting list. Three new bunnies arrived and immediately touched our hearts.

Roland is a sweet black and white Dutch bunny who arrived with his sister from a home where they were ignored. Though five years old, he and his sister had never been given names, and they clearly did not receive much human attention. Roland was skinny; his sister Holly was emaciated. Holly also had a severe upper respiratory infection--so severe that we could hear her wheezing from twenty feet away. After two weeks of antibiotics, she recovered from the infection, but was so weak from prolonged malnutrition that she passed away shortly after. Little Roland had lost the only companion he had ever known. In addition to being stressed and obviously depressed, he wasn't gaining weight.

Well, after a trip to the vet for some much needed dental work, Roland can chew effectively and painlessly, and has some new bunny neighbors to socialize with through his fenced in area. Though still a little leery of humans, Roland is bright-eyed and curious. We so hope that he finds a home or a bunny buddy soon, for he's certainly willing to trust. He tries to scamper away when I (Walt) reach to pick him up, but once I hold him, he relaxes and soaks up the love. With one brown eye and one blue, Roland looks like an other-world mystic, and I half expect start reciting rhymes like a character from a Lewis Caroll story.

Another newcomer to CAS is Fergus, an adorable white lop bunny with grey ears and pink eyes. Fergus was obviously cared for and is in perfect health. He was lucky enough to be a house rabbit, but former owners were no longer able to give him the attention he needed. He's pretty shy, but responds lovingly when he's being handled. He even starts grooming my arm when I hold him for long enough! He's been getting spoiled at lunch when of our volunteers hold him on their laps and stroke his fur.

Calling all bunny lovers!!

We are always so happy during the warmer months, when the pastures are green and lush. It costs a fortune to hay our animals during the winter, so it's a relief to let nature feed most of them the way it was intended to. Lots of hard work went into fencing more acreage this year, and another large barn was built in a new field to ensure that the critters would have healthy graze for much of the the season. In the winter season; we use over 30 bales per day; right now, a mere dozen supplement the grass for our outdoor animals.

You can imagine how disheartening it is, then, to see our pastures turning green, not with grass, but with invasive species! Alien plants—shiny dark leaves and a tiny pink flower—are choking out the grass. Volunteers are now venturing out to tear up the offenders by hand, uprooting them entirely. We should have two months of grazing left, and we are working hard to ensure that grass is available.

If you have the time, energy, and a healthy bit of masochism, why not call us and volunteer to help? Good lord can we use all able-bodied folks to weed the fields!!